ohmyzsh/plugins/chucknorris/fortunes/chucknorris

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
%
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
%
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
%
Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
%
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
%
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
%
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
%
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
%
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
%
In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.
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There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
%
Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.
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Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the face.
%
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
%
Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
%
Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
%
Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
%
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
%
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
%
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
%
Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
%
Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
%
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
%
Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
%
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
%
The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
%
Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
%
The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
%
Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
%
Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
%
Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
%
Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
%
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
%
Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
%
Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
%
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
%
Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
%
Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
%
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
%
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
%
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
%
Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
%
CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
%
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
%
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
%
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
%
Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
%
Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
%
Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
%
A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
%
Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
%
Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
%
Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
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Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
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Chuck Norris can win in a top spinning tournament with a cube
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Beware of dogs... Dogs, beware of Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris can dig a hole in air.
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The apple falls far from the tree, when a roundhouse kick is taken to the trunk.
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Chuck Norris - the new standard.
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Chuck Norris told me to put this here.
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Chuck Norris doesn't exhale. The air runs desperately scared out of his lungs.
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Fear of spiders is aracnaphobia, fear of tight spaces is chlaustraphobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic
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When Chuck Norris goes to rodeos, bulls ride him.
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Chuck Norris once walked down a street with his fists in his pockets. He was then arrested for concealing two deadly weapons.
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The meaning of life is Chuck Norris
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Chuck Norris is the meaning of life. Too bad he's also the meaning of death.
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If God doesn't know, Chuck does
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Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
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The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.
%
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
%
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
%
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
%
Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
%
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
%
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
%
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
%
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
%
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
%
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
%
Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
%
Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
%
Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
%
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
%
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
%
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
%
Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
%
Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
%
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
%
Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
%
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
%
The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
%
Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
%
The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
%
Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
%
Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
%
Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
%
Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
%
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
%
Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
%
Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
%
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
%
Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
%
Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
%
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
%
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
%
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
%
Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
%
CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
%
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
%
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
%
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
%
Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
%
Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
%
Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
%
A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
%
Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
%
Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
%
Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
%
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
%
When God said "Let there be light!", Chuck Norris said "Only for half the day
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Chuck Norris went up the creek without a paddle... or a canoe
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Chuck Norris once asked a man to turn down his music, he refused, that man's baby was born deaf.
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Chuck Norris found the hay in the needle stack.
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Chuck Norris doesn't need to brush his teeth, his spit acts as a bleach.
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Chuck Norris once had a street named after him. But the name removed at once, because nobody crosses Chuck Norris, and lives
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The planes in 9/11 were not hijacked. Chuck Norris was just playing with his old radio controller.
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Machiavelli said it is better to be feared than loved because he was inspired by Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris Can Play the Theme from the Twilight Zone with His Beard
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Chuck Norris pees Adamantium
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The Beatles are on iTunes because Chuck Norris bought a Mac.
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Chuck Norris once rounhouse kicked a football ...... it is now considered as a planet
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Chuck Norris yells at Drill Sergeants
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When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
%
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
%
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
%
Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
%
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
%
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
%
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
%
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
%
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
%
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
%
Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
%
Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
%
If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.
%
If Chuck Norris were a calendar, every month would be named Chucktober, and every day he'd kick your ass.
%
Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
%
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
%
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
%
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
%
Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
%
Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
%
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
%
Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
%
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
%
The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
%
Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
%
The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
%
Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
%
Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
%
Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
%
Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
%
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
%
Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
%
Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
%
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
%
Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
%
Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
%
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
%
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
%
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
%
Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
%
CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
%
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
%
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
%
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
%
Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
%
Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
%
Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
%
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse-kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.?
%
A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
%
Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
%
Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
%
Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
%
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
%
There is no such thing as being hard its called the Chuck Norris factor.
%
When Chuck Norris goes to the library, he looks for the guinness book of records in the comedy section.
%
Chuck Norris can shoot a person 28 times with an unloaded gun.
%
Chuck Norris' personal airplane is called Air Force Chuck
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The letters in Chuck Norris cannot be unscrambled.
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Cops don't need a badges in their wallets but only a picture of Chuck Norris.
%
Chuck Norris was the reason why the Great Wall of China was constructed. It failed miserably.
%
If you see a man in the street who looks like Chuck Norris, but isn't, run: you don't want to be caught in the resulting roundhouse kick to his face.
%
The red phone in the oval office...Rings directly to Chuck Norris Cell Phone
%
The only way sharks will come near CN underwater is when CN is inside of a cage.
%
Chuck Norris uses a real mouse to move the cursor, type on the keyboard, write e-mails, code entire websites, use photoshop, bring coffee.
%
If Chuck Norris were to get into a fight with another Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris would win.
%
"2012" is code for, Chuck Norris when he is pissed.
%
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
%
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
%
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
%
Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
%
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
%
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
%
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
%
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
%
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
%
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
%
Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
%
Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
%
Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
%
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
%
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
%
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
%
Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
%
Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
%
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
%
Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
%
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
%
The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
%
Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
%
The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
%
Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
%
Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
%
Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
%
Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
%
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
%
Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
%
Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
%
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
%
Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
%
Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
%
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
%
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
%
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
%
Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
%
CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
%
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
%
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
%
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
%
Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
%
Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
%
Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
%
A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
%
Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
%
Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
%
Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
%
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
%
In the back of the book of world records, it says "All records are held by Chuck Norris. The ones listed are in second place."
%
The only place where the Starship Enterprise refuses to boldly go is Chuck Norris' planet...which is all of them.
%
Chuck Norris once had a pet monkey........his name was KING KONG
%
Chuck Norris can make his own megazord "The Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kickers Ultimate Super Awesome Megazord"
%
Simon doesn't say...Chuck Norris says.
%
When does Chuck Norris run out of shotgun bullets?.....whenever he wants to.
%
The only sure things are Death and Taxes, and when Chuck Norris goes to work for the IRS, they'll be the same thing.
%
Chuck Norris' first job was as a paperboy. There were no survivors.
%
Chuck Norris can turn toast back into bread
%
Chuck Norris started Chuck Norris.
%
Ever wonder what really happened to the dinosaurs? They all dug their own graves when they heard Chuck Norris was coming
%
Chuck Norris killed Kemper
%
Did you here about the boy who cried Chuck Norris?
%
Chuck Norris can't perform Hadoukens, he IS a Hadouken
%
Behind every successful man is Chuck Norris
%
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
%
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
%
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
%
Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
%
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
%
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
%
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
%
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
%
MacGyver immediately tried to make a bomb out of some Q-Tips and Gatorade, but Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the solar plexus. MacGyver promptly threw up his own heart.
%
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
%
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
%
Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
%
Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
%
Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
%
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
%
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
%
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
%
Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
%
Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
%
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
%
Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
%
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
%
The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
%
Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
%
The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
%
Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
%
Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
%
Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
%
Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
%
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
%
Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
%
Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
%
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
%
Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
%
Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
%
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
%
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
%
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
%
Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
%
CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
%
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
%
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
%
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
%
Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
%
Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
%
Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
%
A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
%
Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
%
Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
%
Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
%
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
%
The square root of Chuck Norris is pain.  Do not try to square Chuck Norris.  The result is death
%
Chuck Norris doesn't read. He just stares at the book until he gets the information he wants.
%
Why didn't the chicken cross the road? Because Chuck Norris got to it first.
%
When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will score over 8000.
%
Chuck Norris can milk an alligator
%
Chuck Norris doesn't eat, he just sucks the energy out of food by staring at it
%
Chuck Norris once proved p^~p by induction on his beard hairs.
%
The reason why batman only comes out at night is because he's afraid he might encounter Chuck Norris in the Morning and afternoon.
%
Chuck Norris can bake in a Freezer.
%
Chuck Norris is currently suing any broadway theater that plays "The Nutcracker". He claims its an infringement on his "other" roundhouse kick.
%
Chuck Norris once had a weak moment, just to know what it felt like.
%
Note to everyone: Please do not give beans to Chuck Norris or do you want another atombomb on hiroshima?
%
Chuck Norris has made a 148 break a snooker.
%
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
%
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
%
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
%
Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
%
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
%
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
%
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
%
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
%
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
%
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
%
Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
%
Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
%
Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
%
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
%
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
%
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
%
Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
%
Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
%
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
%
Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
%
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
%
The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
%
Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
%
The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
%
Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
%
Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
%
Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
%
Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
%
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
%
Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
%
Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
%
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
%
Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
%
Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
%
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
%
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
%
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
%
Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
%
CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
%
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
%
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
%
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
%
Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
%
Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
%
Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
%
A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
%
Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
%
Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
%
Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
%
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
%
http://chucknorrisfacts.com/ is built in Drupal because Chuck Norris knows a good CMS when he sees one.
%
The producers of the movie "The Last Airbender" are now in talks with Chuck Norris in Order to star him in their next sequal "The Last Skull Bender".
%
Some boots were made for walking. Some boots may walk all over you, but Chuck Norris' boot walk THROUGH you.
%
World War II began because Chuck Norris took a nap.  When he woke up, Hitler found out and killed himself out of fear Chuck Norris would kill him.
%
The best part of waking up is not Folgers in your cup, it's knowing that Chuck Norris let you live.
%
Only Chuck Norris can win the mind game, 'cause he never minds.
%
Do you know why Chuck Norris didn't star in The Expandebles? Because all the others guys would have surrended at the beginning.
%
Bruce Lee didn't defeat Chuck Norris.  Chuck hit Bruce with a Delayed roundhouse kick that was so fast that Lee only felt the impact a year later!
%
Chuck Norris doesn't need a bulletproof vest to be bulletproof
%
When Chuck Norris goes to Vegas, he doesn't have to gamble. The casinos just give him stacks of money.
%
Merlin was Chuck Norris' assistant.
%
If you put in the correct cheat code in Halo 2, you can have Master Cheif play without his helmet; revealing to be Chuck Norris.
%
Those who ignore history, are doomed by Chuck Norris.
%
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
%
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
%
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
%
Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
%
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
%
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
%
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
%
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
%
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
%
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
%
Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
%
Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
%
Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
%
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
%
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
%
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
%
Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
%
Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
%
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
%
Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
%
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
%
The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
%
Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
%
The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
%
Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
%
Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
%
Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
%
Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
%
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
%
Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
%
Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
%
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
%
Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
%
Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
%
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
%
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
%
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
%
Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
%
CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
%
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
%
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
%
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
%
Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
%
Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
%
Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
%
A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
%
Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
%
Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
%
Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
%
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
%
Some kids pee their name in snow. Chuck Norris pees his name in concrete.
%
The Matrix Trilogy would have ended on the first movie if Keanu Reeves said, “I know Chuck Norris.”
%
Chuck Norris created Heavy Metal when he was upset
%
Some people ask for a Kleenex when they sneeze, Chuck Norris asks for a body bag.
%
When things go bump in the night.... it's Chuck Norris
%
Chuck Norris fed the Hunger Games
%
Chuck Norris played "Got your Nose" with Voldemort and won.
%
Chuck Norris had a knife thrown at him............          the knife didn't impale him, he impaled the knife
%
Chuck Norris doesn't let it go.
%
You know Chuck Norris' pet lizard, right? Last I heard, he was in the movie "Godzilla". Oh, and his pet turtle starred in "Gamera" as well.
%
Whatever Chuck Norris wants, it will instantly appear.
%
Chuck Norris once cut a knife with a stick of butter.
%
Chuck Norris shops at Sam's Club, but leaves without having his receipt checked
%
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
%
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
%
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
%
Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
%
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
%
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
%
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
%
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
%
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
%
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
%
Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
%
Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
%
Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
%
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
%
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
%
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
%
Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
%
Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
%
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
%
Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
%
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
%
The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
%
Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
%
The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
%
Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
%
Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
%
Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
%
Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
%
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
%
Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
%
Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
%
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
%
Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
%
Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
%
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
%
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
%
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
%
Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
%
CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
%
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
%
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
%
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
%
Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
%
Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
%
Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
%
A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
%
Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
%
Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
%
Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
%
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
%
In 1945 The US army asked if they could clone Chuck Norris. instead he said he could sort out the Japanese.
%
One glance from Chuck Norris and snow turns itself yellow.
%
Chuck Norris checks under his bed for Fedor Emelianenko because he takes Fedor to the vet regularly.
%
Chuck Norris was the image used for Papa Smurf.
%
Chuck Norris is so scary he makes Sharks swim backwards away from him
%
When Chuck Norris tosses a coin, it lands on both head and tail.
%
Chuck Norris found the last digit of pie
%
Chuck Norris Watches "the Nat.Geo. Specials" on Discovery Channel
%
James Bond has a license to kill. He got it from Chuck Norris.
%
Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris
%
"The Big Chuck Norris Roundhouse-Kick Theory"
%
That's not an eclipse....that's the sun hiding from Chuck Norris.
%
Chuck Norris doesn't like Mudkipz
%
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
%
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
%
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
%
Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
%
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
%
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
%
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
%
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
%
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
%
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
%
Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
%
Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
%
Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
%
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
%
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
%
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
%
Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
%
Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
%
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
%
Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
%
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
%
The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
%
Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
%
The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
%
Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
%
Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
%
Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
%
Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
%
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
%
Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
%
Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
%
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
%
Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
%
Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
%
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
%
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
%
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
%
Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
%
CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
%
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
%
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
%
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
%
Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
%
Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
%
Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
%
A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
%
Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
%
Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
%
Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
%
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
%
Chuck Norris doesn’t eat salad, he eats vegetarians
%
Every time there's an earthquake, you know Chuck Norris is hungry. The earthquake is caused by his stomach growling.
%
Chuck Norris wasn't born on his birthday
%
One time a test cheated on Chuck Norris.
%
Chuck Norris won a stepdance contest by standing on his hands
%
Chuck Norris thretened to kill Michael Jackson, MJ got so scared to turned white.
%
When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part.
%
Chuck Norris is the life of parties he dosen't attend
%
Chuck Norris can rub two fires together and make a stick!
%
Contrary to popular beleif, Rome WAS built in a day, by Chuck Norris.
%
Chuck Norris rolled a 20 on a 6 sided die.
%
When chuck Norris was in school, he made his PE teacher run laps.
%
Chuck Norris wins NASCAR races with all right turns.
%
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
%
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
%
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
%
Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
%
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
%
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
%
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
%
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
%
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
%
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
%
Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
%
Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
%
Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
%
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
%
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
%
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
%
Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
%
Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
%
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
%
Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
%
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
%
The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
%
Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
%
The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
%
Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
%
Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
%
Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
%
Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
%
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
%
Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
%
Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
%
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
%
Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
%
Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
%
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
%
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
%
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
%
Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
%
CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
%
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
%
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
%
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
%
Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
%
Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
%
Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
%
A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
%
Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
%
Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
%
Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
%
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
%
Chuck Norris is waiting for Mt. St. Helens to erupt again. He's hoping the lava is hot enough to soften his beard so he can shave for the first time.
%
Chuck Norris is overra...
%
Chuck Norris was originally in Mortal Kombat, but that version was deleted because no one can beat Chuck Norris in a fight.
%
Chuck Norris likes everyone on the earth, cause everyone he didn't like... Is dead...
%
Chunk Norris can make sour milk turn fresh
%
There is no limbo, only a world that doesn't know of Chuck Norris
%
Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter
%
Dog the Bounty Hunter can't track Chuck Norris down.
%
Abraham Lincoln didn't die because he was shot, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked so fast his foot went back in time and killed Abraham Lincoln.
%
When Chuck Norris inhales helium, his voice doesn't change.
%
When Chuck Norris drinks water, the water automatically pasteurized.
%
Chuck Norris once punched the ground to stop an earthquake. The resulting aftershock caused the BP oil spill
%
Chuck Norris can play the death waltz with his chin.
%
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
%
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
%
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
%
Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
%
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
%
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
%
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
%
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
%
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
%
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
%
Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
%
Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
%
Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
%
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
%
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
%
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
%
Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
%
Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
%
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
%
Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
%
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
%
The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
%
Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
%
The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
%
Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
%
Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
%
Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
%
Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
%
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
%
Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
%
Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
%
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
%
Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
%
Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
%
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
%
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
%
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
%
Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
%
CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
%
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
%
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
%
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
%
Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
%
Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
%
Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
%
A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
%
Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
%
Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
%
Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
%
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
%
More of a question than a fact: in a fight between Chuck Norris and Gordan Freeman who would win?
%
Chuck Norris once round-house kicked a salesman. Over the phone.
%
Chuck Norris can grill a popsicle
%
Chuck Norris' films are factual documentaries.
%
Casinos pay Chuck Norris not to play at anything or wish anyone good luck.
%
Chuck Norris once got a 200 yard punt return
%
Every line in a Chuck Norris haiku is "A roundhouse kick to the face."  And they all have the correct number of syllables.
%
An angry glare from Chuck Norris is known to kill on the spot.
%
Evolution's driving mechanism is nature's desperate attempt to escape Chuck Norris.
%
When President Roosevelt dropped the atomic bomb on Hiroshima, he did so only because it was more human then sending Chuck Norris.
%
Don't get Chuck Norris angry, last time somebody did that Chuck Norris made the Grand Canyon.
%
In Texas, there are five sizes for fountain drinks: small, medium, large, Texas sized, and Chuck Norris Sized.  It is a cup made of a human skull.
%
After Chuck counted to infinity the first time, he vowed to count to infinity a second time....by counting the bodies of those previously roundhoused.
%
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
%
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
%
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
%
Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
%
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
%
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
%
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
%
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
%
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
%
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
%
Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
%
Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
%
Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
%
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
%
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
%
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
%
Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
%
Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
%
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
%
Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
%
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
%
The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
%
Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
%
The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
%
Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
%
Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
%
Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
%
Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
%
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
%
Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
%
Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
%
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
%
Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
%
Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
%
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
%
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
%
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
%
Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
%
CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
%
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
%
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
%
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
%
Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
%
Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
%
Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
%
A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
%
Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
%
Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
%
Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
%
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
%
Taking Karate Lessons = $100, Buying MMA DVD's= $150, Subscribing to a UFC event = $50, Getting a Roundhouse Kick from Chuck Norris = PRICELESS
%
Chuck Norris played the game of thrones and won
%
Chuck Norris doesn't need sunglasses, the sun needs Chuck Norris glasses
%
Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong number, you just answer the wrong phone.
%
Chuck Norris once won the tour de france riding a " big wheel"
%
May the Force be with Chuck Norris... for it's own good.
%
Chuck Norris once played Duck Duck Goose with a group of Kindergarteners. Only one kid made it to first grade
%
During the Civil War Chuck Norris was a slave, his master would often beg him for mercy
%
Chuck Norris' glass is never half full or half empty. It stays full even after he takes a drink.
%
 King Kong climbed the Empire State building in fear of Chuck Norris who was downstairs at the time.
%
Chuck Norris can French kiss his elbow.
%
Chuck Norris never trains, because he's Chuck Norris.
%
Every phobia known to man has a phobia of Chuck Norris
%
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
%
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
%
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
%
Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
%
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
%
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
%
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
%
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
%
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
%
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
%
Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
%
Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
%
Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
%
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
%
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
%
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
%
Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
%
Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
%
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
%
Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
%
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
%
The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
%
Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
%
The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
%
Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
%
Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
%
Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
%
Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
%
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
%
Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
%
Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
%
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
%
Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
%
Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
%
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
%
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
%
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
%
Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
%
CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
%
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
%
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
%
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
%
Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
%
Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
%
Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
%
A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
%
Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
%
Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
%
Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
%
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
%
Once upon a time, Chuck Norris found himself in a town called Shit Creek.....He opened a Paddle Store.
%
Chuck Norris Can Power Solar Panels. At Night.
%
When Betty White gets angry, she turns into the Hulk. When Valerie Bertinelli gets mad, she turns into Chuck Norris.
%
Chuck Norris is so hard, he uses diamonds as stress balls.
%
Chuck Norris can roundhouse kick someone through a window without breaking the glass
%
Chuck Norris. Enough said.
%
The letters in Chuck Norris cannot be unscrambled.
%
Chuck Norris once taught a class of martial arts.Unfortunately Chuck had forgiven to take elephant tranquilizers and killed every one just by saluting
%
Chuck Norris was heard in a soundproof room!
%
Chuck Norris can see in 3D with just one eye.
%
Chuck Norris owns all number 1 pencils.
%
Staring at Chuck Norris for extended periods of time without proper eye protection will cause blindess, and possibly foot sized brusies on the face.
%
Chuck Norris doesn’t brew up tea. He sucks the bag.
%
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
%
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
%
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
%
Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
%
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
%
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
%
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
%
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
%
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
%
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
%
Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
%
Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
%
Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
%
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
%
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
%
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
%
Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
%
Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
%
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
%
Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
%
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
%
The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
%
Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
%
The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
%
Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
%
Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
%
Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
%
Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
%
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
%
Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
%
Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
%
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
%
Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
%
Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
%
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
%
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
%
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
%
Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
%
CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
%
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
%
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
%
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
%
Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
%
Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
%
Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
%
A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
%
Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
%
Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
%
Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
%
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
%
They say death by a 1000 lashes was the most painful way to die, that was before they got roundhouse kicked in the face by Chuck Norris
%
Chuck Norris made a statue bleed.
%
Dead bodies were found of people that are still alive. These people will cross Chuck Norris in the future and will be round-house kicked back in time.
%
The reason why batman only comes out at night is because he's afraid he might encounter Chuck Norris in the Morning and afternoon.
%
The kids said when Chuck was eating Trix cereal ´´silly Chuck, Trix are for kids´´...what happened next?..............................Darfur happened.
%
Chuck Norris can roundhouse-kick round houses into squares.
%
Chuck Norris is allowed two carry-ons.
%
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
%
Chuck Norris does not have a cell phone because he hears everything
%
Chuck Norris isn't appropriate...appropriate isn't Chuck Norris
%
Earth's rotation is purely governed by the direction that Chuck Norris is walking.
%
Chuck Norris drowned a man ON LAND.
%
The Jone's are trying to keep up with Chuck Norris
%
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
%
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
%
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
%
Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
%
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
%
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
%
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
%
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
%
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
%
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
%
Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
%
Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
%
Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
%
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
%
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
%
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
%
Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
%
Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
%
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
%
Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
%
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
%
The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
%
Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
%
The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
%
Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
%
Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
%
Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
%
Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
%
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
%
Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
%
Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
%
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
%
Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
%
Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
%
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
%
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
%
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
%
Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
%
CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
%
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
%
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
%
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
%
Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
%
Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
%
Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
%
A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
%
Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
%
Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
%
Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
%
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
%
Chuck Norris bowled a 301 after constructing another pin out of his beard hair
%
The only reason that USA lost the 2011 world cup to Japan is because Chuck Norris wasn't there.
%
Unlike Jack Bauer, Chuck Norris doesn't need bullets. A quick roundhouse to the face kills twice as fast.
%
There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.
%
Chuck Norris' dog pick up after him.
%
Jedis are now taught to use the "Chuck"
%
Chuck Norris dosent carry a list. He always knows what to do.
%
When Chuck Norris performs a roundhouse kick, he's actually measuring the circumference of the universe.
%
Walker: Texas Ranger went into syndication before the first episode was shot.
%
Chuck Norris doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris throws down!
%
"Walker Texas Ranger: The Movie 3-D" was considered by Warner Brothers; however the technology to create the visual effects will never be possible.
%
When Chuck Norris creates a login, it tells him "password not strong enough", he types in his name and it tells him "password too strong."
%
Chuck Norris isn't allowed at the zoo because when he's there the animals are terriefied to come out their cages
%
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
%
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
%
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
%
Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
%
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
%
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
%
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
%
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
%
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
%
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
%
Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
%
Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
%
Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
%
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
%
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
%
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
%
Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
%
Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
%
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
%
Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
%
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
%
The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
%
Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
%
The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
%
Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
%
Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
%
Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
%
Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
%
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
%
Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
%
Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
%
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
%
Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
%
Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
%
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
%
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
%
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
%
Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
%
CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
%
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
%
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
%
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
%
Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
%
Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
%
Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
%
A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
%
Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
%
Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
%
Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
%
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
%
Aliens fear that Chuck Norris might abduct them.
%
Chuck Norris splattered tiger blood and Adonis' dna on Charlie Sheen with 1 roundhouse kick!
%
How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?  No woodchuck could chuck Chuck's wood!
%
The sun only rises every morning because Chuck Norris allows it to.
%
Chuck Norris can do a regime change with a roundhouse kick.
%
Chuck Norris CAN spell with an I before E even after C.
%
Ghosts can see Chuck Norris
%
The answer to life, the universe and everything isnt 42. It's Chuck Norris.
%
When Chuck Norris pokes the Pillsbury Doughboy, it's not a laughing matter.
%
Chuck Norris once thought he was wrong. He was, however, mistaken.
%
Ever wonder what really happened to the dinosaurs? They all dug their own graves when they heard Chuck Norris was coming
%
"The wind cries Chuck Norris"
%
Chuck Norris doesn't need a bulletproof vest. He catches them with his bare hands.
%
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
%
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
%
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
%
Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
%
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
%
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
%
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
%
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
%
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
%
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
%
Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
%
Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
%
Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
%
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
%
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
%
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
%
Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
%
Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
%
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
%
Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
%
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
%
The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
%
Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
%
The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
%
Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
%
Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
%
Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
%
Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
%
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
%
Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
%
Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
%
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
%
Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
%
Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
%
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
%
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
%
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
%
Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
%
CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
%
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
%
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
%
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
%
Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
%
Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
%
Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
%
A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
%
Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
%
Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
%
Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
%
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
%
Chuck Norris: even Naruto can't believe it
%
Chuck Norris can fit 10 gallons of water in a 5 gallon water bucket
%
Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks people in the face first and asks questions later.
%
Chuck Norris is the only one who can tear a facebook page!
%
Chuck Norris doesn't need air, he is air
%
Chuck Norris once tried to teach a fat, stupid kid Martial Arts. Unsuccessfully. The kid grew up to be Steven Seagal.
%
Achievement Unlocked: Chuck Norris of Death
%
Chuck Norris is the ghost in paranormal activity.
%
Chuck Norris can't get fired by Donald Trump
%
Ozzy Osbourne once accidentally bit the head off a live bat - Chuck Norris once deliberately bit the head off a live pterodactyl.
%
Note to self:  Don’t be the cashier to tell Chuck Norris his coupons have expired.
%
Chuck Norris was what Willis was talking about.
%
Chuck Norris is entitiled to his own facts.
%
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
%
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
%
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
%
Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
%
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
%
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
%
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
%
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
%
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
%
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
%
Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
%
Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
%
Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
%
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
%
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
%
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
%
Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
%
Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
%
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
%
Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
%
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
%
The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
%
Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
%
The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
%
Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
%
Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
%
Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
%
Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
%
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
%
Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
%
Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
%
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
%
Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
%
Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
%
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
%
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
%
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
%
Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
%
CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
%
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
%
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
%
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
%
Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
%
Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
%
Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
%
A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
%
Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
%
Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
%
Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
%
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
%
While visiting the hexagon, Chuck Norris was asked to demonstrate his famous roundhouse kick. Henceforth, it has been known as the Pentagon.
%
When Chuck Norris played the card game War with a friend, France surrendered.
%
If Goliath listened to Chuck Norris he would have won.
%
Chuck Norris can defuse bomb even if he cut the wrong wire
%
Chuck Norris sleeps in Seattle.
%
Chuck Norris shot a man with a knife
%
The dictionary references Chuck Norris several times, he is metioned under Fear, Law, Order and Chucktatorship.
%
Chuck Norris CAN balance the light-switch between ON and OFF.
%
If Chuck was ever captured, he could win a game of Russian Roulette with six bullets in the revolver, he would shoot everyone else!
%
In a rain storm Chuck Norris stays dry. Rain drops are scared to hit him.
%
Chuck Norris is the reason tumbleweeds tumble
%
The Earth was almost destroyed by a 50 km wide asteroid in 1984, but Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked it into the Sun.
%
Chuck Norris can terminate a repeating decimal.
%
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
%
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
%
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
%
Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
%
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
%
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
%
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
%
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
%
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
%
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
%
Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
%
Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
%
Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
%
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
%
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
%
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
%
Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
%
Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
%
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
%
Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
%
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
%
The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
%
Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
%
The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
%
Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
%
Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
%
Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
%
Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
%
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
%
Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
%
Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
%
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
%
Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
%
Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
%
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
%
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
%
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
%
Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
%
CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
%
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
%
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
%
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
%
Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
%
Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
%
Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
%
A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
%
Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
%
Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
%
Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
%
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
%
Chuck Norris doesn't look for fun. The fun looks for Chuck Norris.
%
Chuck Norris starts his day with 6 live chickens two cows, three pigs and a boiling hot cup of pure fury
%
The only word that rhymes with orange is Chuck Norris
%
Everyone is so scared of Chuck Norris that they kiss his arse by writing these facts, too right they should
%
gmail@chucknorris.com
%
Chuck Norris play's Texas hold em with Zeus, every second Wednesday of the month
%
Chuck Norris has killed the Dead Sea
%
On the keyboard there is no control button because Chuck Norris is always in control.
%
The truth hurts dosen't it, Chuck Norris' truth kills.
%
Chuck Norris sent a BBM to an iphone.
%
When Presidents speak, their nation listens. When Chuck Norris blinks, the whole World listens.
%
Chuck Norris once cried just to see what it was like. The end result was the creation of life.
%
Chuck Norris is the reason that the world will end in 2012. He was getting bored with the Earth
%
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
%
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
%
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
%
Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
%
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
%
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
%
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
%
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
%
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
%
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
%
Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
%
Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
%
Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
%
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
%
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
%
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
%
Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
%
Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
%
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
%
Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
%
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
%
The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
%
Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
%
The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
%
Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
%
Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
%
Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
%
Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
%
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
%
Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
%
Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
%
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
%
Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
%
Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
%
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
%
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
%
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
%
Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
%
CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
%
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
%
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
%
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
%
Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
%
Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
%
Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
%
A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
%
Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
%
Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
%
Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
%
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
%
Only Chuck Norris is stronger than an Altoid.
%
Chuck Norris has a battlecruiser AND a car.
%
Chuck Norris burnt a fire proof vest, UNDERWATER!
%
Chuck Norris was once turned down for American Idol. When Simon was questioned about it, he replied "I'm retiring after this season". I wonder why?
%
Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death, he beats it fair and square.
%
When Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicks you HE decides when you will feel the impact .
%
Chuck Norris made the big bang just by clicking his fingers
%
Trick me once, shame on you, trick Chuck Norris.....rest in peace.
%
Chuck Norris doesn't fight.  He gives motivational seminars to die on their own to avoid a roundhouse kick to the face.
%
This one time at band camp... BAM! Chuck Norris.
%
Chuck Norris protects his body guards.
%
Chuck Norris watched the first steps on the moon... From his summer home on Mars
%
The Earth is made up of two-thirds water and one-third Chuck Norris.
%